The hard things in life

I started this week thinking I would go to work, finish up my last 3 night shifts then enjoy my time off at home, feeling like a productive wife and person. My chest cold has been lingering so work was a chore anyways. Monday went as usual pretty slow, nothing eventful. Tuesday started the same we got 6 admissions by midnight and I thought it would slow down. Around 1230am Tuesday morning I heard the one thing we always dread hearing over the intercom... "Code 55 3 south room 326" WHAT?? That is three doors down from the room I just walked out of. (code 55 by the way means cardiac/respiratory arrest). I ran right in the room to hear "get the code cart" I ran as fast as I could and so did the code team they arrived within 45seconds and cpr was started on this precious 4 month old baby. I continued to run around getting things that were asked for. Eventually they needed another nurse to perform cpr. I have always thought that I would be scared when the day arouse that I would be in a code but instinct and training kicked in and I walked right up to the crib told the nurse of that patient I will take over and I began cpr on her small body. I never realized what hard work it is, I began sweating and my hands began to cramp (with infants you used your thumbs with hands wrapped around the ribs to do cpr). A few of us rotated chest compressions for the next hour as medication after medication, line attempt after line attempt, shocks and all were given. Her heart never beat again and we never got oxygen to her brain. You see she had a congenital heart defect and for whatever reason the vessels that go to hear lungs clamped down so tightly that blood could not reach them. But we worked as hard as we could. The parents arrived about 20 minutes into the code, they went to get some sleep because she was supposed to just be in and out for a quick heart cath in the morning. But it turned into the worst night of their lives. They were strong until the end when the doctor put his hands on top of mine and said "it's ok Jamie you can stop now" I looked up met eyes with the mother and she screamed and cried on her husbands chest. I turned off the monitor and walked right of the room where I cried. I thought I was ok until I left that room. The last 6 hours of my shift were awful because I was exhausted from the physical and emotional demands of an hour long code (and my first code and first time doing cpr and my first time seeing a baby die). I was blessed to be able to print her feet and mold her hand for that parents so they could have memories of her. And I walked her to the morgue with the chaplin. But I made it through, talked with my manager after and came home and prayed and prayed for that family. I am sure I will continue to see her face when I close my eyes for a couple of days or relive pieces of that hour for a while. I am so thankful that I know that Lord and I know that that precious baby girl is now dancing with the angels in her no longer broken body. How lucky she is to be face to face with our Maker, our Lord and Savior.